It'll Never End
by Obsessed.with.writing
Summary: Songfic for Heavily Broken by The Veronicas. Set in New Moon, after Edward left, before Bella started hanging around with Jacob. BPOV


**Disclaimer- I don't own it.**

_Every day I sit here waiting  
Every day just seems so long  
And now I've had enough of all the hating  
Do we even care?  
It's so unfair_

Edward had left. I felt so wronged, so lonely. I felt as if I was nothing. I was empty. That was a fact. Now, I didn't do anything, I slept, worked at school, I made Charlie's dinner. No effort, all of that was easy. I didn't interact with people. Jessica, Mike, Angela, Tyler, Eric, Ben. Who were they? They were no one compared to the Cullens.

I didn't hate Edward as much as I resented him leaving. I still loved him, I knew that. So even though he had left me here alone with no one to care, I still would welcome him back with open arms if he were to come back to me. Even though both my heart and head, both wishing it wasn't true, knew that he wasn't coming back.

Life was not fair at this moment in time.

_Any day it'll all be over  
Everyday there's nothing new  
And I'm just trying to fine some hope  
To try to hold onto  
But it starts again  
It'll never end_

I tried to find hope in everything. School, books, Renee, but what good was it? My heart and soul was with Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, and it always would be. And every time I felt as if I was getting better about him leaving, something always happened to remind me about him, or them.

I never spoke their names any more, it hurt too much to. Edward had broken my heart, Alice had left me here to die on the inside, and the others, well they probably didn't care enough to even think about me.

I was human. Not important.

_I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking?  
And I can't even move_

Most days, after school, after homework, after dinner, after emailing Renee, I normally just sat still just staring at the ceiling, at the floor, at the wall. I didn't know what to do at all. If I looked at the wrong thing, tears would come to my eyes and I'd almost burst into tears, and it was hard not to do these things. I'd started to train myself not to do that.

When it came to the childish gossip at my school, I couldn't do anything about it. I had to deal with it, when I heard it, it broke my heart, but I didn't know what to do. I wasn't mentally prepared to face them. I was so broken inside, I couldn't move myself forward. If I tried, the hurt came ten times worse.

_When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do?  
I'm heavily broken  
And there's nothing I can do_

Mike was hitting on me again for the first couple of weeks, but when I just refused him right out with no guilt, he stopped. No one could fix me. No matter how hard they tried, no matter how hard they apologised to me, or told me it would be ok, I was so broken, so broken that I was unfixable.

Charlie tried to make me speak to him, he tried everything to get me back to normal. His time was wasted. I didn't like being like this. I brought everyone down by being like this, but what else could be done? Edward had my heart, Edward had my soul, and without Edward, I was completely broken. Unmendable.

_Almost giving up on trying  
Almost heading for the fall  
And now my mind is screaming out  
I gotta keep on fighting  
Then again  
It doesn't end_

I always tried to fight so that I would be able to survive, but I wanted to give up so badly. I loved Edward so much that I didn't want to give up, but I wanted Edward so much that I was nothing without him. So no matter how much my mind wanted to fight, the rest of me didn't want to fight.

The hurt wasn't going to go away, no matter what I did, so what was the point? Nothing like this ended, why shouldn't I give up? Why shouldn't I just lie down on the ground and die, let someone find my rotting carcass somewhere deep in the woods?

Sometimes I wished that they hadn't found me in the woods, wished they had just let me lie there in the mud and die. When everything happened with James, I had thrown myself into the deep end. I would have done anything for Edward, and even though now James was gone, I was still in too deep with my relationship with Edward.

_I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking?  
And I can't even move_

I felt so dead, the day after day routine bored me; it prolonged the time before death, and that was about it. After all, that's all it was. We lived, we loved, we died. I'd lived, I'd loved, and now, I was just waiting to die. Counting down the days until one day I'd trip, or I'd get hit by another car.

It may sound rather melodramatic, but in a world without my one true love, what else was there? I mean, I was after all _the _Bella Swan. Miss Clumsy of the year. It was only a matter of time before my number came up once more.

_When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do?  
I'm heavily broken  
And there's nothing I can do_

People asked me to talk about it, but why would I want to? It's not as if they'd know what I was going through, they didn't know that I was dating a vampire. If I talked about how I felt, what if something accidentally slipped out? What if I said something that would put the Cullens into danger of exposure?

I couldn't do that. I didn't hate them enough to do that.

_Feels like I'm drowning  
I'm screaming for it_

Every day felt the same. It felt as if I was dying a little bit more on the inside. Every second away from Edward made me want to scream out for him ten times louder.

But he wasn't going to come back.

_And louder I'm crying  
And you don't even care_

Edward didn't care for me. It was obvious to me now. He used to until he was happy enough to move on and break my heart. How many simple human girls had he done this to before? Would I find a whole line of 'silly humans' that Edward had said he loved before he broke their hearts?

Would I ever know the _real _Edward Cullen?

_I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking?  
And I can't even move  
(What can I do?)_

So here I was. The plain little human girl. I couldn't do anything else, so why not just sit here and wait for death? Why not just stay here and do nothing but watch as everyone else passed by, happy?

_When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do?  
I'm heavily broken_

I looked out of the window and into the blackness. It was times like this that I felt even more empty. The times that I'd normally be in his arms, with his beautiful face, his cold hard skin, his sweet smelling breath.

Just thinking of it made my insides shiver and my breath hitch.

_I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking?  
And I can't even move  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do?  
I'm heavily broken  
(Are we running outta time?)  
I'm heavily broken  
Heavily broken  
Broken, broken_

No matter who I met, I'd always be broken. And only Edward could fix me fully.

**A.N.- Ok rather morbid but I was insanely upset when I wrote this. So when the song came on, I had to write it. I hope you like it.**

**Playlist**

**Heavily Broken- The Veronicas.**

_Thanks to emoTWiLiGHT._


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